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Ask Ralph
by samuraijack on 12/08/2003 05:19 PM
It's like Ask Fleecy, but with real answers! Wimmern!

Ralph Schmidt, head of MorphOS development - permission pending
December, 2003: Christmas is now only weeks away. There's no Pegasos-2 in time for this critical market, MorphOS has less than 600 users (most of whom are content to use Debian) and Genesi are having a publicity crisis.

So we at WrongPlanet, as we are hard core blue trolls (according to some people on ANN.lu), have offered to lend a hand. Originality - as you can tell by our stories - was never our strong suit, so we decided to copy another successful delaying and disinformation campaign - AmigaWorld's 'ask Fleecy' column. But copy it with a twist - getting real answers! Aren't we just raw sex?

Since we wanted straight answers, we bypassed the middlemen and went straight to head programmer and terrifying autocrat of the MorphOS project, Ralph Schmidt. His answers were indeed straight. Straight like a six foot broadsword up the bottom.

Here are our carefully chosen questions from over 2000 posed, and like Fleecy's are absolutely not chosen to further any agenda, cover up humiliating earlier mistakes or statements, or to cover up any lack of progress. Absolutely not.

The questions:

admin: First I want to thank you for answering our questions. My question: given the market potential for pre-hicolour screen modus extentions, when will the 8 bit CLUT modus non-fatal unrequested features be remedied?

Ralph Schmidt: To use 8 bit modes, use your old Amiga. There is also UAE available for MOS.

Anonymous Ex-True Amigan: Hello Ralph, when I first heard of MorphOS, I was not really excited, but over the last couple of months and seeing it at several different shows I just decided to get myself a Pegasos. But one thing worries me still - so how do you think you can evolve visionary paradigms through disintermediating integrated and magnetic methodologies?

Ralph Schmidt: There is no chance of floppy support in MOS, period.

samuraijack: Any chance of cultivating the partitioning tools of MOS and harnessing the potential of scsicontrol so it actually, uh, like, functions within expected e-parameters?

Ralph Schmidt: Works here.

dogmeal: Will Genesi enhance impactful TCP/IP solutions by generating integrated content into target transparent internet action-items?

Ralph Schmidt: Buy a router. They work very good. Even with just one computer.

hesdeadjim: Are you envisioneering killer methodologies along the horizontal market base to substantiate the orchestration of 3D content and revolutionise the Morph Avoidance of Lame Mac 2D RTS Ports Platform (MALMC2RPP)?

Ralph Schmidt: 3D is not important, we don't have time to spend on something so useless. There are no 3D games for MOS anyway. Buy an XBox.

jabiru: Do you intend to actionise MOS functionality by optimising real-time architectures and meshing cross-platform initiative paradigms?

Ralph Schmidt: Firewire works in linux already. there are no apps that use it in MOS.

codesloth: Is it possible that 598 of Genesi's 600 e-developers are non e-skilled end users and signed up to the MDC to secure the aquisition of MorphEd?

Ralph Schmidt: Probably, dunno.

samuraijack: I have found some general user-engineering inconsistencies with some new features introduced and debuted in MorphOS 1.4.

Ralph Schmidt: Stop wasting our time with bug reports. Try to find the eastereggs instead.

KeanuPeeves: Regarding the Pegasos-1 IDE mission-critical lockup syndrome some users have been experiencing, is there a operating environment reengineering fix being currently orchestrated to empower the full potential of MorphOS without jeopardising any of the main system memory bulk?

Ralph Schmidt: *sigh* Workaround for now - don't use hard drives.

hesdeadjim: Is it possible, in the future, to functionalise disintermediate integrated deliverables for quick porting of alien architectures and facilitate porting of games? Lowlevel replacement, OpenGL, network play, etc. to unleash the extensible visionary capabilities of MorphOS?

Ralph Schmidt: I don't play games and anyway there are no apps that use opengl for MOS.

admin: Is empowering and optimising the global features of the MorphOS native internet content access tool 'Voyager' on the cards for the next few commercial quarters?

Ralph Schmidt: It works for plain HTML and some JS, this is enough. No websites use CSS and none of my friends' websites use it either.

samuraijack: Ralph, it's often been said that your negativity totally blinds you to any path to progress, like in the case where you said Warp3D support for MOS was totally impossible, but it was done soon after. Would you agree that this is true?

Ralph Schmidt: Totally impossible.

garfield: Floppy is still being incubated in the PC industry and many people implement this magnetic media to facilitate the restoration of e-work to the home, work that could be applicable on a Pegasos. Given that linux floppy driver source is free and available, isn't it e-purposeful just to repurpose it? If so, why not?

Ralph Schmidt: Buy a USB floppy drive. I'm leaving now. Article Manager module by by George! Software.

The comments are owned by the poster. We are not responsible for its content.
Posted on: 2003-12-12 11:57:48   By: Anonymous
  Edited By: admin
On: 2003-12-12 15:34:54
We only want smart trolls here!

    Posted on: 2003-12-12 12:53:25   By: Anonymous
      Edited By: admin
    On: 2003-12-12 15:35:31
    Subject removed

    Go crawl away under a rock you lamer.


    Posted on: 2003-12-12 13:14:10   By: Anonymous
      Edited By: admin
    On: 2003-12-12 15:35:45
    Subject removed

    At least he's got balls unlike you, you AC.

    /Lennart Fridén

    Re: Abuse
    Posted on: 2003-12-13 03:00:25   By: Anonymous
    homer: "you'll have to speak up, i'm wearing a towel."

    Re: Abuse
    Posted on: 2003-12-13 05:44:10   By: Anonymous
    You trolls will be assimilated. Resistence is futile. MOS is the tool of the Borg. Join the collective now.

    Billy Bob Gates

I need some air (non fluid nitro mixture with significant oxygen components)
Posted on: 2003-12-12 13:13:24   By: Anonymous
I cannot write. My tummy hurts :=)

No Subject
Posted on: 2003-12-13 16:27:34   By: Anonymous

No Subject
Posted on: 2004-01-31 19:46:28   By: Anonymous
When I saw this article I thought it was: "Ask Ralph Babel"...

No Subject
Posted on: 2004-02-02 13:51:20   By: Anonymous

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