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The news in short x2
by samuraijack on 04/01/2006 11:27 AM
2005...erm...2006 really does prove to be the year of the Amiga (!!!) as all the loose ends finally make good this April. WrongPlanet brings you a roundup of these exceptional happenings.


This April sees the end to all the strife in the Amiga community as it all comes together and everyone becomes friends again. WrongPlanet celebrates this momentous occasion by summarising the exceptional news. Big time here we come!

Troika released!
Ian Stedman finally releases his long awaited Pegasos-killer, Amy'05, complete with at least 9 out of 10 required components. "It's like when you fix a toaster and you have screws left over," Stedman said. In unrelated news, Mikey Carillo has been hospitalised with a mysterious illness resembling heavy metal poisoning. Dr. Ryan Czerwinski will take over his job soldering the lead-free Troika boards before they are shipped to Amazon.

Frieden Ranch burned down
Fire consumed the luxurious Frieden ranch during a particulary vicious Dungeons and Dragons session. No-one is said to have been hurt but at least two character sheets burned in the fire and the funerals of EntilZha the level 42 elf warrior and Rogue the level 40 halfling thief will be held on Wednesday. Although the cause of the fire is yet unknown, police are hunting for a red or even gold dragon (or even an elder wyrm) as stated in eyewitness accounts. An alternative conspiracy theory explanation for the fire is that it was started from a dropped solder iron when, as promised, the Friedens attempted to solder together their own board for OS4, having not heard about Stedman's amazing success.

Sony to licence OS4
Hyperion fans break out the alcohol-free champagne (guaranteed not to cause suicides with 90% of anti-depressants) as Sony accept Hyperion's AmigaOS clone. OS4 will be bundled with the Playstation 3 beginning early 2007. Despite costing over 100 USD more than planned because of this bundling deal, Sony expect PS3's sales to be heavier than ever due to OS4 and its huge fanbase.

Individual Computers makes a product people want to buy
Basement hardware vendor Jens Schönfeld has stunned critics by launching a new hardware PCI/PCI-x flipper card that people will actually buy. Details of what it does are sketchy at this time, but Jens has assured us that it will actually work this time and have full developer and software support for all platforms, except MorphOS. "Because, obviously Buck owns MorphOS," Jens explained. "The satisfaction of screwing him for the few euros he might owe me far outweighs the fact I'd make that back easily selling boards to my second biggest potential market." OS4 drivers will also be released the moment Hyperion pays for them, he told us. Hyperion told us that they will do a driver as soon as Jens pays for them. This could take a while, OS4 fans!

EFIKA approved as brick
We finally have proof that Genesi's EFIKA approval scheme was pure PR, after one suggestion slipped through and was approved - a house brick. Matt Sealey defended the action, "Why the f*ck should I care, you RETARDS. Anyway, it has the same size and computing power of a brick." Matt hasn't been seen since that comment. Frogmen are currently searching local canals.

Mike Bouma admits he was wrong
In another amazing first-time event, freelance journalist and physiotherapist Mike Bouma admits that maybe OS4 wasn't such a great idea. "Yes, I said back in 2001 I preferred OS4 because it was like OS3 and MorphOS wasn't and in 2005 I preferred OS4 because it wasn't like OS3 and MorphOS was. But I was lying a bit. I'm just a biased asshole." After this amazing admission we had hoped that Ben Hermans would also admit his lies, but unfortunately nothing ever gets that extreme.

"I gave it all to charity"
Big-hearted Wayne Hunt tells us what he's done with the 200 USD dollar surplus a month donations he gets for whining on Amiga.org. "Well, it's not as if I spent much time on it anyway since I hate Amigas, so I'd rather see the donations going to orphans than to donuts," he told us. God bless that man.

Amiga Inc. and Jamba! announce partnership
"We hope that many of the 3000+ Amiga developers will provide contents for this amazing, erm, platform," said Fleecy Moss, outside the Edinburgh soup kitchen.

Ben Hermans becomes lawyer
"The negotiations were very time-consuming, yes but we are very pleased with the end-result which will allow us to ensure the future of the AmigaOS indefinitely. The fact that I have a law degree certainly helped because I drafted the contract myself, all 17 pages of it." Ben said this in early 2002, and good things really do come to good people as we found that the end result of this brilliant deal with Amiga Inc. really made Ben shine in the eyes of the law system's high and mighty. From next week, Ben will leave behind his legal clerk job and be prosecuting murderers in Belgium's high courts. Who could be more trustworthy?

Bill Buck claims ownership of MorphOS source codes
"Ralph thought he could have the last laugh by trying to starve MorphOS to death to spite me, but now I will revive it together with Raquel," Buck told us on a short phone call. It has been rumoured that the female half of BBRV has been crash coursing 68k assembler the last 6 months to replace the MorphOS team. Buck went on, "Well, I mean, I'll revive it with Raquel's help, I don't mean that Raquel is dead too. I mean...shit." He hung up.

Breakthrough for Helgis
After being banned from AmigaWorld for 10 weeks, Amiga user Helgis has discovered creativity in the wilderness and begun a productive career as a musician, song writer, and performer. Since uploading a song to Aminet the encouragement he has received from users has been overwhelming. "WE NEVER WANT YOU TO UPLOAD MUSIC HERE EVER AGAIN!" said one, obviously meaning that greater horizons awaited the talented...er, youngster. Helgis has already posted his desire to produce music for Sony's OS4 boot-up screen, which includes a song about a pixie. Article Manager module by by George! Software.

The comments are owned by the poster. We are not responsible for its content.
Amiga Christmass
Posted on: 2006-04-01 22:43:18   By: Anonymous
will come this year

    Re: Amiga Christmass
    Posted on: 2006-04-02 15:44:20   By: samuraijack
    If you count that in galactic years (1.8 million earth years) the probability increases a bit.

Orphan donats
Posted on: 2006-04-05 15:41:18   By: Anonymous
I weep for all the donuts that now will be orphaned.

    Re: Orphan donats
    Posted on: 2006-04-08 14:36:49   By: Anonymous
    "Oh my God, and I just bought a boat!" - Donut salesman

      Re: Orphan donats
      Posted on: 2006-10-14 18:55:26   By: Anonymous
      When do I take the doughnut out of the frier?

      .....when its done

        Re: Orphan donats
        Posted on: 2006-12-17 19:32:44   By: Anonymous
        Hey, here's a hole in mine! You are obviously a troll. Moderator, please ban this troll!

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