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One year (and a bit) of WrongPlanet!
| by samuraijack on 10/17/2004 08:20 PM |
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Ever since we ecloded onto the Amiga community's consciousness like a wet towel smacking a soft, pink arse, our effect on the minds of Amiga community members has been profound. We present our collection of quotes of things people said about WrongPlanet.
Yes, it's been a whole year of WrongPlanet! Well, more than a year, we just couldn't be bothered to write this story at our anniversary, because we are lazy. For a year (and a bit) we have written the finest quality satire and wit the Amiga community has ever seen. We've blown the cover off scams, ridiculed censorship, delved into conspiracies, hammered the unworthy.
Well, not really. Seriously. But everything stupid and laughable we have mercilessly turned into a laughing stock, as it should be, and as it frequently is when mentioned outside our few remaining Amiga sites. We are the Amiga community laughing at itself, whether people accept that or not.
Our affect on the Amiga kkkomunnity has been profound, like a red-hot poker being lovingly applied to the soft dangly bits of an old dog sleeping out in the cold. A community full of sycophants, unreasoning fanatics, self-righteous know-alls, corrupt businesses, dubious practices, insults, mendacity, mediocrity, and just sheer lack of understanding of the term we know as 'reality'. The Amiga community over the years has tranformed from a talented, loyal bunch of friends rallying for a noble cause into a whining pit of disaffected clueless fanboys forever awaiting that big charity payout nobody's ever going to give them. An ineffective bunch of losers aggressively holding on to silly farces because they are labelled with the once proud name AMIGA, and of whom most are too young to remember Amiga at its height, and who mostly use Windows PCs anyway. It's been sad watching it degenerate, and even sadder being part of it, with no power to do anything but help it accelerate.
And for years each of us alone tried to do something about this downward spiral. But nasty, greedy, litigious and self-righteous figures split the community and destroyed its last chances, poisoned the forums, or created horribly biased websites where nobody who fit into their skewed idea of the new Amiga was allowed to say what needed to be said. For fear of being censored or attacked viciously as 'trolls', we lost our voices.
WrongPlanet gave us our voices back. Through satire, lampoonery, and sometimes even wit we were able to strike back at the stupidity and the entrenched fanaticism without fear of our voices been taken away by intolerant people with agendas. Frequently crass, insulting and very probably repetitive, WrongPlanet has nonetheless made people laugh, angered those who needed to be angered, said what needed to be said, attacked what needed to be attacked. We post our stories semi-anonymously not because we are cowards, but because it was the only way to do what we wanted to do without having to conform to useless tired principles, or walk on eggshells, to avoid being victimised by the small-minded. To paraphrase Seehund, we shouldn't stop talking about the concept of the planets rotating around the sun just so we don't risk offending geocentric theory fanatics. We won't be burned at the stake for saying what we think. Tough luck, kiddies.
And we will not abandon wrongs unchallenged only to get worse, just for the sake of keeping a ridiculously hollow peace that helps nothing. Resentment just smoulders away behind the civil facade. We were no longer happy allowing good people to be so easily dragged into ridiculous situations by the false promises, substandard hardware, exploitative crooked companies, and the blizzard of disinformation that has become the Amiga in these depressing days. Not without a fight.
So what did we do? We took the piss, of course. And while we have no doubt made a lot of enemies and haters, we had a lot of fun doing it. It's been immensely gratifying, in fact. If we can't save the Amiga, we can at least poke fun at the kind of people who dragged it down and who are still dragging it down. Whether you find it funny or not is up to you. There's a grain of truth in every one of our stories, whether you all like it or not.
To that end, we've decided now to piss everyone off at once and have laboriously undertaken a massive survey to take quotes from everybody important in the community of what they think of WrongPlanet and its staff. 'Important' being a relative term, of course.
...
Wow, you didn't read all that drivel, did you? Back to satire mode. On to the quotes!
The Amiga community had this to say about the excellent WrongPlanet:
"u = teh mos ppl. suxx0rz"
-- Alkemyst, AmigaWorld moderator and red troll.
"REMOVE THIS SITE"
-- Mikey_C, AmigaWorld moderator and Destroyer of Anti-Collective Bad Thoughts.
"It's the best MorphOS circle-jerk site I've ever seen, and trust me, I've seen many such cyclatory masturbation sites. And to be frank, if I hear much more of this, I'll leave the Amiga community forever for the next two weeks!"
-- David "DaveP" Parsons, AmigaWorld moderator, part time anonymous red troll, and porter of Mozilla and AROS.
"WrongPlanet is the crappiest and unnecessariest site ever, their ugly editors should go to jail as soon as possible and pick up some soap. F*CK YOU"
-- Matthias "UltraGelb" Böcker, MorphOS and AmigaOS developer.
"I don't care. You're all clueless idiot sycophants anyway."
-- Wayne Hunt, webmaster of Amiga.org.
"I'm locking this site. There's too much disinformation and I prefer people not to try to correct it."
-- Argo, Amiga.org moderator.
"I think this site is biased because it didn't spend nearly enough time insulting Buck, namely all of it. Therefore he must own them, it's the only logical conclusion. Those WrongPlanet kids don't know what they're getting themselves into with this character! Before they know it Buck will have them kidnapped and held in some S&M basement, to perform acts for his sadistic pleasure. It won't be so funny when you're tied up and Buck's willy is in your faces, my student friends! PS: Remove any copyright pictures from your site AT ONCE."
-- Mike Bouma, freelance journalist, angel of mercy, AmigaWorld moderator, and anonymous red troll who hasn't found out how to use a proxy yet.
"This is the best propaganda site I've ever seen. Definitely worth all that free hardware we gave you for it! When's the knockout punch to those reds? By the way, would you like to visit the basement? We have more toys down there for you, don't we Raquel? ;-)"
-- Bill Buck, Genesi CEO and general red troll scapegoat and antichrist, circa 2002 to present day, and possibly Amiga litigious bast*rd #3.
"Will WrongPlanet be bundled with the new G5 Amiga models on 100 GB DVD?"
-- asian1, technically naive Amiga.org visitor.
"It's about as funny as a hangnail."
-- Gregg, self-declared critic of anyone who dares to write on ANN.lu or Moobunny.
"What a f**king laugh, these f**king guys aren't complete d**k suckers, but sometimes they're still a bunch of c**ts. Hope you all die."
-- Polyhead, Moobunny's resident insulting drunk.
"DONT ASK ME ABOUT MUI"
-- Stefan "stuntzi" Stuntz, MUI developer.
"v50+ exec.library IS OS4, I don't care about wannabe OS's that have the same version. The next version of IBrowse will have CSS and will be OS4 only. It's just that skydiving has been my main interest for the past 3.5 year and that consumes quite some time... Sigh! Either you are this stupid or you are deliberately trying not to understand what I am talking about. Don't get yourself into a discussion where you have no clue about the facts! Sigh! You are incredible! You have twisted and turned every word around that I have written without _any_ intention whatsoever to understand what I mean. Shall I give you a reality check?"
-- Stefan Burström, developer of IBrowse, red troll, and avid skydiver.
"LOL, you grade A retards have no CLUE! Just wait, there are huge things just round the corner, and you'll see how wrong you were, you morons! The sleeping giant will waken and it'll be the end of you!"
-- Ray A. "hmetal" Akey, possible (ex?)Amiga Inc. employee and possible webmaster of the Amiga.com site.
"Haha, F**K YOU! If you want real support, USE F**KING LINUX. I'm not here to mother you, you useless f**ks!"
-- Matt "Neko" Sealey, sweet-natured Genesi Developer Manager.
More on next pages!
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| Comments |
| The comments are owned by the poster. We are not responsible for its content.
You know you want it :)
Posted on: 2004-10-23 21:41:28
By: Anonymous
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Edited By: samuraijack
On: 2004-10-23 21:48:35
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muahaha
P E A N U T
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Lbh xabj lbh jnag vg :)
Posted on: 2004-10-23 21:53:15
By: Anonymous
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C R A V F
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Re: Lbh xabj lbh jnag vg :)
Posted on: 2004-10-24 07:54:57
By: Anonymous
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Edited By: admin
On: 2004-10-24 16:07:31
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B U T T E R
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Atlantis is in advance development stage
Posted on: 2004-10-24 08:00:36
By: Anonymous
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I'm developing Atlantis for MorphOS, khtml is nearly ported and Atlantis is practically done. I will release the next week the executables and source codes of this. Please stop blaming me, I'm doing this for free.
oGALAXYo
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LOL
Posted on: 2004-10-24 08:45:12
By: Anonymous
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The number one indication that you are an Amiga information junkie is... - you do know all these guys! =:-O
Well done, nice community portrait and contemporary document!
Senex
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It's funny because it's true. And so horribly sad.
Posted on: 2004-10-24 10:07:17
By: Anonymous
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Why did you have to mention me? Now I can't simply post a link to this brilliantly summarising article whenever someone asks about the state of everything Amiga today, without looking like a self-aggrandising, schizoid twit! And I wouldn't want to deprive a Dutch physiotherapist, or "medical professional", or "community representative", or Hanna Barbera cartoon character, or "poor innocent Iranian student girl", or "journalist", or hobbyist, or whatever he poses as today, of his job. :)
We wait and think that we are biding our time
We keep silence, we believe in your strength
We trust in propaganda of the wonders of tomorrow
In the shadow of content we are victims in the end
We dance to the sound of sirens
And we [troll anonymously on ANN] to relax
We dance to the sound of sirens
We are the heroes of self deception
I didn't know that Covenant were registered [whoeverownsanabusedtrademarktoday]world.net members...
/Seehund
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best article ever!!!!111
Posted on: 2004-10-24 13:23:16
By: Anonymous
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Just excellent
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Re: best article ever!!!!111
Posted on: 2004-10-24 15:44:29
By: Anonymous
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Oh Wrongpla.net, you can put a trojan on my hard drive any time!
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Amiga Unveils New MicroA1 To Satisfy Amiga "Lovers"
Posted on: 2004-10-24 16:13:03
By: Anonymous
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By U. Boot Pooh
Trouser Splitting Fun!
PETERBOROUG- At the Big Bash 2, Darren "Ryu" Glenn, unveiled the new µA1-C to satisfy the needs of Amiga "lovers" everywhere.
"Yet again, Amiga is breaking new ground in personal computer design," said big Sir John Boobson, "For so long people have come up to me and said, 'Booby, when is there going to be an Amiga that I can have sex with.' That time is now." In addition to the µA1-C, Ryu also said Amiga spokesman Mike Bouma has promised that Amiga will be releasing the µbiA1. (?!)
The µbiA1, based on female and male anatomy, comes with both "iHole" technology and "iPole" technology so Amiga fans can have fun everywhere - or rather Amiga Everywhere! Boing! BOING! :-D The µbiA1, also known as the "Pole and Hole" by Amiga engineers, combines both technologies to produce - Trouser splitting fun!!!
"We really focussed on ergonomics when designing these systems. With the 17 degree tilt of the computers, these should be comfortable for users of all shapes and sizes," said bombastic Bouma. "We also realized that users may be uncomfortable having their private parts near such high voltages, so safety was also a top priority. I should know as I am a registered physical therapist and handle many different tilts like this every day."
The new µbiA1 really created quite a buzz around the BB2 exhibition hall. "Ever since the Amiga A500 I've been waiting for this day," said long time Amiga user Micky "sicky" Sutton (rumored to be on a boat with Bouma testing out the new µbiA1 instaed of attending BB2), "I can't wait to get my hands on the µbiA1 and show it some sweet loving." One female attendee, who wished to remain anonymous, said, "I tried it out and my husband will be getting the divorce papers on Wednesday."
The entire A1 Family is disabled by the Mai Articia northbridge. The rumor is even the µbiA1 (also available in extended versions) is hampered by premature file ejaculation...
All in all Big Bash 2 was a very enjoyable event even though attendance was down on the previous edition (ten people came if we count the janitor). Having the event in the evening meant that there was plenty of time to talk and spend some time really using the various machines on display and it our minds.
A big thank you to Outcash, Boobson, JurrasicP, Rigalo and everyone else who organised the show!
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Re: Amiga Unveils New MicroA1 To Satisfy Amiga "Lovers"
Posted on: 2004-10-24 17:30:02
By: Anonymous
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LOL! :-D
This was brilliant! :-)
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Hey!
Posted on: 2004-10-24 21:24:49
By: Anonymous
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Hey! You got my part wrong! I usually insult more and laugh
less! :-)
Alkis Tsapanidis
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Re: Hey!
Posted on: 2004-10-24 23:00:30
By: Anonymous
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I get a lot of laughs from this site, but they're guilty laughs. You people are cheap and lowbrow comics.
I expect you to straighten your act up in the next year! ;)
PS: Maybe this is the right planet after all!
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No Subject
Posted on: 2004-10-25 00:41:47
By: Anonymous
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I am missing Phillipe Bourdin "_PAB_", he's the unofficial official
hyperion speaker. But I guess his english is too bad so he's only
known to the German readers.
But IMHO he got the cup for best red troll on amiga-news.de.
I am sorry for all non German readers, you really miss a big fun
reading his comments. "Yeah - *I* know better than the Friedens
themself what they think!"
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Cool
Posted on: 2004-10-25 01:47:07
By: Anonymous
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Excellent article, I enjoyed reading it :) Must have taken ages to do this.
Anyway, it's time to apply my cream...
-smithy
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No Subject
Posted on: 2004-10-25 03:10:23
By: Anonymous
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...
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Cooksey and Time Rue?
Posted on: 2004-10-25 04:29:42
By: ashiq
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Where are Cooksey and Tim Rue(3seas) then hm?
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To the site owners
Posted on: 2004-10-25 04:34:21
By: Anonymous
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REMOVE THIS ARTICLE NOW!
Mikey_C
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No Subject
Posted on: 2004-10-25 05:02:06
By: Anonymous
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Ami603 is a spanish dumbass red troll. He even denies the existence of red and blue trolls on the amiga kkkommunity :)
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Re:
Posted on: 2004-10-25 06:50:05
By: Anonymous
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Spain seems full of red trolls :)
An OS for rule them all, an OS for run them all, OS4 go rule!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
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Re: Re:
Posted on: 2004-10-25 10:17:08
By: Anonymous
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red means inquisition and blood. With blood for amiga ;-)
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Re: Re:
Posted on: 2004-10-25 17:48:24
By: Anonymous
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yes, there are a lot of red trolls in Spain but nearly everybody have classic amiga or Pegasos ;)
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No Subject
Posted on: 2004-10-25 17:35:04
By: Anonymous
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Atlantis for MorphOS is the next version of my Linux browser, it's a total rewrite of the web browser. It's brand new from the ground up, rewritten for the Pegasos PPC hardware. And it's bloody fast. It's currently in beta testing at 20 external sites, and it's just about ready to go in three more weeks. The components are ready, I just have to plug them together and go.
oGALAXYo
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Re:
Posted on: 2004-10-25 22:11:19
By: Anonymous
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You guys forgot me AGAIN!!!
Oh... Wait... That's a GOOD thing!
-Targhan
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More posts
Posted on: 2004-10-25 23:32:41
By: Anonymous
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The site has a hardcoded limit of 50 messages per article, it will fall over when it reaches that limit. So keep the momentum going!
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No Subject
Posted on: 2004-10-26 07:07:53
By: Anonymous
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Eugenia, could you please delete that article? He's trolling.
Mike Bouma
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Another quote?
Posted on: 2004-10-29 01:03:22
By: Anonymous
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Edited By: samuraijack
On: 2004-10-29 05:59:13
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It's not Länger, you moron
"It's MY stall space!!! Buck, you must die! For this I won't support my products under MorphOS any more, like all the other OS's I don't support! Haha, that will teach you, stall-stealer!"
-- Jens "(cat)weasel" Schönfeld
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sme old.. same old..
Posted on: 2004-10-29 14:43:47
By: Anonymous
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And to think you could have had such fun with my real name. You wasted an oppertunity - but then if you are that ignorant :-)
I suppose I'm meant to say something derogatory about blue...
Hows this: They are a *bleep* band.
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Suck my cock you blue bastards
Posted on: 2004-10-31 02:13:29
By: Anonymous
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I was introduced to Amigaworld by MikeB in March 2003, on an (Amiga Inc/Community M/L list ACAG). At that time I was getting increasingly fed up at the apparent bias towards Amigas Competitor on another Amiga site. The Shifting of the Site to the competitors server, coupled with the announcement of their subsequent sponsorship finally broke the proverbial back and I left, publicly announcing that I was going to AW. Best wishes, etc. I joined Amigaworld as number 264. What I found incredible was that my announcement would have such repercussions. Within days the membership on AW had almost doubled! It seems I was the snowflake that caused the avalanche! On my arrival on Amigaworld, I privately emailed Amiga, Hyperion and Eyetech and asked them for their support of AW. The result is Fleecy`s Q&A`s, Hyperion regularly posting and Eyetech now sponsoring the site. Thanks to everyones efforts, not least of all, my fellow moderators/Admins and the maestro himself, David Doyle, Amigaworld is doing well and, at the time of writing, Amigaworld now has 1360 members!
So how did I become a moderator on Amigaworld? Well, Back in April 2003 I discovered IRC (finally) and the #Amigaworld channel, within weeks, of being there, most of the users voted for me to become Channel Op, Which considering how wet behind the ears I was, came as a big surprise! However, given how good AmIRC is, (Thanks to the vapor team) I was soon moderating like the best of them on channel.
I have only been a moderator on Amigaworld.net for about a month, Myself and MikeB have proven to be quite controversial with the Anti-Amiga people, since all we really care about is a community portal that reflects the wishes of it members which are:
· Free from competitor evangelisms
· Free from unnecessary vitriol
· Friendly and flame/troll free
Many outsiders would argue that we dont want to live in the real world, dont wish to see alternatives, that we are all locked in a fantasyland etc, etc. Far from it, most members visit the other sites and are aware of whats going on. Amigaworld serves as their break from the maddening crowd; a home away from all the shouting.
The future? Well given its stance. contributors and members, I believe that Amigaworld will one day be the biggest Amiga Community Portal in the world by far.
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Re: Suck my cock you blue bastards
Posted on: 2004-10-31 17:10:28
By: Anonymous
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"I joined Amigaworld as number 264. What I found incredible was that my announcement would have such repercussions. Within days the membership on AW had almost doubled! It seems I was the snowflake that caused the avalanche!"
ooh, can I suck you off? you're so good, I wish I had as much influence in the Amiga community as you, I wish I was as important as you. In fact, I want to BE you. Can you father my children?? As that's as close as I'll be able to get to actually being the Amiga leg-end Mikey_C. I'm having orgasms just thinking about you. I'm wet with excitement.
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Re: Suck my c you blue bastards
Posted on: 2004-11-01 06:46:08
By: samuraijack
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Edited By: samuraijack
On: 2004-11-30 20:35:42
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Hehe...that's funny. So funny I think I'll have to come out of satire mode and deal it a fatal reality blow. My conscience doesn't let me rest when there are people so bafflingly clueless in the world.
AmigaWorld.net only exists as a cure for a symptom, not the underlying cause. Look at yourselves, I mean the OS4 people. You rally around a horribly broken motherboard sold at an obscene cost (because the original was a non-existant sham), use an unfinished, amateur OS with poor initial design and no commercial future, and worst still, you refer to yourselves and only yourselves as the True Amigans because a Snoqualmie ex-company with less money than I have down my sofa and who can't even send out a 50 USD voucher to 1100 people said so!
No wonder you people were a laughing stock from the beginning. An object of ridicule for the "blues" with their much more developed MorphOS and far better Pegasos, an even bigger object of ridicule for people who own PCs and use emulators that outperform and outmatch your "Amiga OS4" by leagues.
Yet you responded to any criticism in the true fanatic way, not by improving or fixing problems, say, but by simply disconnecting yourself and making yourselves, like, look like a big old bunch of weirdo fanboy losers.
And now you hide away in that site, viciously protected by stupid bigots like Mikey_C and the ever-idiotic Alkemyst. Oh and of course, Mike "Seehund, stop brainwashing me with your sig!" Bouma, that nasty, sneaky weasel of a man. That only made people laugh harder at your need for such "security" through censorship. You're a joke to the whole internet, and hiding away in your safe and protected "anti-criticism" zone spreading disinformation and pretending that the world hates you because We're all Evil and you are of the True Faith isn't going to change that! Unpopular amongst Anti-Amiga people? Don't you mean hated by anyone who isn't interested in a Teron and HyperionOS because of their huge number of problems but isn't actually allowed to mention any of it with their previously unalienable right of freedom of expression with your *beep*hole moderators and your nasty "special business interests" looking over their shoulders? And what the hell right do you people have calling long time Amiga lovers "Anti-Amiga" just because we're not swallowing Amiga Inc's blatant con tricks and take offence at the way your site takes a fresh, steaming dump upon the Amiga's memory with every comment you censor and with every fanboy idiocy you spawn? We're not anti-Amiga, we're just anti-YOU. You're an insult to everything we loved about the Amiga.
And your special brand of AmigaWorld Delusion is showing even here. Biggest Amiga portal in the world? You're not even AMIGA users, you're a tiny bunch of self-righteous Teron wannabe Amiga users with a huge chip on your shoulders, thats even if you actually OWN an A1, which judging by the IE and mIRC traffic on your site and IRC channels, not all of you do! 1360 users? You mean 1360 signed up accounts, surely! That's probably less than 800 users, to match the 800 AmigaONEs produced. And how many developers? About 10 actually capable ones? Wow, you'll really rule the world now! Unless the AmigaONE goes a revolution, fixes its bugs, supports G5, and quarters in price, you aren't ever going to match the double number of Pegasos sold to home consumers, never mind build a new community!
You, my friend, needed a reality check, and there it was. Try to think from now on and you'll not get as many. You're not in censorship world now, boy. Try not to cry the first time you come across an opposing opinion.
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Re: Suck my c you blue bastards
Posted on: 2004-11-01 11:20:53
By: Anonymous
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I agree
lol!
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Re: Suck my c you blue bastards
Posted on: 2004-11-02 19:47:02
By: Anonymous
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wet towel in a face, and a big one
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Nett
Posted on: 2004-11-09 07:24:23
By: Anonymous
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REMOVE the dots!
Mikey_E
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Pass the iron..
Posted on: 2005-01-12 17:37:58
By: Anonymous
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@Jack:
"You're not even AMIGA users, you're a tiny bunch of self-righteous Teron wannabe Amiga users with a huge chip on your shoulders."
Hahaha - did you write that with a straight face?
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Merlancia
Posted on: 2004-12-09 20:27:42
By: Anonymous
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Nothing about the King and Queen of Con - Ryan and Christina Czerwinski - AKA Merlancia, The World of Merlancia.
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The best
Posted on: 2006-11-08 18:11:44
By: Anonymous
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The best article on WP by far, and the 'reply' by samuraijack has me in stitches...
We want more articles like this!!!!!!
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